Episode Transcript
Speaker 1 00:00:05 Good morning. My name is Michael Fueling. I'm the lead pastor here. And, um, this morning, um, we are gonna be dealing with maybe a little bit heavier of a subject. And so I wanna, I wanna start, and I want to read to you a poem. The author of this poem was Filthy Rich, uh, more so than their friends and, um, everyone in their community. And the name of the poem is called What I Dread has Befallen Me. He says this, let the day on whi let the day perish on which I was born. And the night, which said, it's a, it's a boy. May that day become darkness. Let, let not the divine above cared for it in our light, shine on it. Let, let darkness and black gloom claim it. Let it let a cloud settle on it. Let the blackness of the day terrify it.
Speaker 1 00:01:00 Why? Why did I not die at birth? Why did I, why did not come forth from the womb and expire or be like a miscarriage, which is discarded? Why is light given to him who suffers in life to the bitter of soul who long for death, but there is none yet dig for it more than hidden treasures who rejoice greatly and exalt when they find the grave. I do my cries pour out like water for what I fear has come upon me. And what I dread befalls me. Is that dark? Do you know where that's from? The Book of Job chapter three. And, and, and I think when we, we dabble in the subject of grief or sadness or lament, I think most people who don't really have an understanding of scripture, they just kind of think like he doesn't have a lot to say about it.
Speaker 1 00:01:50 And, and one of the things I wanna show you this morning is that the scriptures are a masterclass in dealing with all of the broken, sadness, sorrow, depth of emotions. I am telling you, whatever you feel in this life, there is going to be a scripture written by someone who is gonna be able to give you vocabulary for that very thing. If you just take a cursory look at scripture, a third of the Psalms are lament there. There's even an entire book, it's just called Lamentations. It's it's par par portions of scripture written by somebody who's just incredibly broken over what they have just seen happen to their people. Ecclesiastes, it's, I'm pretty bluntly, a book written by a depressed man. There's an entire book of the Bible. It's actually very long, 40 plus chapters on how to deal with and navigate suffering. It's the book of job that we just read from Even the Messiah is promised to be, quote, A man of sorrows acquainted with acquainted with grief.
Speaker 1 00:02:52 All right, so we're in a series called Healthy Souls, and you're thinking, what does this have to do with healthy souls? Um, a while back, our elders sat together and we just asked, what were some of the big challenges facing our body? And whole bunch of words. And I kind of summarized them and put them into four big buckets. And we stepped back and just said, you know what? There are so many threats in our life right now amongst our body to the spiritual health of our souls. And and we're going into summer, we're going to a new season. What we wanna do is we just wanna say, we want you to watch out for these because we are watching Christian, after Christian after Christian fall prey to these threats. And we don't need to do that. And so we're gonna deal with just some very real things.
Speaker 1 00:03:30 We're gonna be very honest, and, and we're gonna talk about these. And, and, and this morning we're gonna deal with the subject of grief. And primarily we're gonna look at how to deal with it, but also some of the implications that happen if we have unde with grief in our life. Now, as a preacher, there are kind of two primary ways that we can address this. And so the first way is that we really talk about grief from a, a strongly empathetic perspective where really the whole message is pointing you and just kinda walking and empathize with you in your moment, and then helping you and encouraging you to come alongside of Jesus and, and reminding you of the, the presence and nearness of God in grief. And we're gonna address some of that. But there's a a second way to go about this, and this is gonna kind of be the emphasis because there have been multiple, multiple messages over the past years where we have navigated just the empathetic side of what is happening in grief and what you need.
Speaker 1 00:04:21 But this is gonna actually be more of a training message. And so what I wanted to actually be able to do is, for some of you who are not yet in seasons of grief, uh, I kinda wanna be able to take some time. I just wanna, I wanna train you for some of you, if you're in the middle of it, you actually don't need to be trained. There's probably gonna be one or two things or tools out of this that, um, I pray help you, um, help you move toward the Lord and move toward, um, actual healing in the grief that you are, you're going through. And, and really, uh, the, the, the big goal of this is we want every single person in this room to bring God glory no matter what the emotion. Now, can I get an amen from that one? Amen.
Speaker 1 00:04:59 We feel lots of feels all over the place, but whatever we feel, God, I am going to give you glory. And, and, and one of the reasons that we need to talk about, uh, grief and put this on the screen, I want you to just process this. And we're gonna, we're gonna explore this grief, ignored or wrongly addressed will slowly destroy you and others. I'm not gonna put that on the screen. I lied. But grief, ignored or wrongly addressed will slowly destroy you and others. And from where I sit, there is no other human experience that leaves us more vulnerable to demonic attack and activity. There is no experience that makes us more susceptible to the lies of the evil one. And so to not be the people of God who talk about one of the most common and consistent emotional experiences, that would just be a, an utter utter shame.
Speaker 1 00:06:02 And we wanna make sure we lean right into it. Now, there's something I'm gonna ask you guys on the front end of this. If you have sermon notes or if you just have your phone open up a a note section in your phone, if you have a pen and paper, one of the things that I want to ask you to do is to be sensitive throughout this message as to losses in your life that the Holy Spirit may bring to mind. In fact, begin to write them down. And, and the reason I say this is because if you don't deal with stuff, it's like whack-a-mole. You push it down here, it's gonna come up somewhere else. And so we have a, we have an obligation to God, to our bodies and to our people to kind of give vocabulary to some of these things and then deal with them directly because we will punish others if we don't.
Speaker 1 00:06:42 And you know this, if you live in a homeless, somebody, this is how it works. And, and here's the question, what have I lost since shutdown centered? Now, I, I wanted to say like kind of post the post covid we're, I think fingers crossed <laugh> we're we're done with Covid maybe the last year since kind of that season of life ended. We're in a whole new season of life. And, and as the Lord brings things to your mind, I just want you to write them. They could be big, they could be small, they could be medium, it doesn't matter. And and you may find that there are gonna be moments in this message because the moment, I mean we talk about grief, there are gonna be some of you there, there's just gonna be a lot that goes through if you need to get up and walk out, uh, if you need to just get some water, go to the bathroom.
Speaker 1 00:07:22 Like it's fine. So we're just gonna have like a, like, if anybody gets up, just, just benefit it out, right? Um, this is a time when we just, maybe somebody needs some space. Maybe you just need to cry. That is okay. It's actually good. It's actually right. We were, I don't know, made that way. Some ideas, maybe you lost a dream, a friend, a job, a relationship, physical health, a feeling of nearness to God, your retirement. Maybe you had a series of unmet expectations I could go on, but I'm gonna trust that the Holy Spirit's gonna bring things to your mind that he wants you to deal with. So here's the flow of the message. We're gonna look at one Bible verse. I mean, we're gonna look at a lot, but we're gonna kinda start in one verse. We're gonna look at like kinda the why of healthy mourning.
Speaker 1 00:08:12 Um, why do we do this? The ingredients of healthy mourning, the symptoms of unhealthy mourning. And then we're just gonna look at when God mourns. Um, don't worry, it's gonna be less than an hour, more than five minutes. And we're gonna see how long this, how long this goes. Uh, open your Bibles, Matthew five, four. In fact, I'll put it on the screen, but very simple, blessed, blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted. Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted. And as Jesus is preaching at the Sermon on the Mount, he's pretty palpably aware of his audience. These are primarily lower class Jews. The majority of them live in poverty. I want you to think about just their relationship with death. In the ancient world for Century Rome, people in poverty statistically, and even now, in here they die.
Speaker 1 00:09:09 Younger infant mortality rates were exorbitantly high. It's estimated that a person who lived at the age of 20 had a normal life expectancy of around 46 years old while someone who lived to the age of 50, if they could make it that far, it would be expected that they would've an average lifespan of around 63 years old. And so for, for us, if you imagine dying in your forties, that is a terrible, terrible thing that is a young early that is not right in our eyes. And yet that was like, that was normal. Uh, to have multiple children and to have them die young was normal. When Jesus sits with this group of people, like this is a very hurting, oppressed, discouraged, distraught group of people. And and these are not just like, like kitchy words that he says, these words have weight and meaning to them, and they land like a ton of bricks.
Speaker 1 00:10:00 We just hear this and we go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But when you're sitting here and you're hearing this for the very first time, and you're looking literally into the eyes of God, and he says to you, blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted. These people look at him and they feel understood. They, they feel like this. This guy knows something about what's going on in my heart and my soul. So he says to them, blessed, let's say to those who mourn, I wanna, I wanna pull out three principles from this. Number one, grief is inevitable. He's not just warning of a possibility, but he is recognizing the reality that is staring him right in his face. You will not get through this life without grief unless you choose to never love. And so the people who don't have a lot of grief in their life, they're either really young, really lucky, or they have not really felt the weight of loving somebody or something deeply.
Speaker 1 00:10:52 Uh, something vital to know about grieving is, is that grief is the grief is the emotional experience of loss. I need you to understand this. Mourning is our response, and every person has to make a decision. I sold this from another pastor. I wanna be clear. You're either gonna mourn or you're gonna moan. And there isn't a lot in between. And the default human instinct is, whoa is me. And, and there's a place with God for those sentiments. But when it becomes the defining attribute of how you endure your sadness, big, medium or small, dark things are gonna happen. And we're gonna unpack that later.
Speaker 1 00:11:35 Principle number two, healthy mourning is a command to, to mourn, is to acknowledge that you have loved and you have lost. And, and biblically, there is another step to this. I have gone to the Lord when, when you just acknowledge and you're sad and you leave the Lord out of it. I mean, I guess culturally we could call this morning, but that is not what the Bible means. And and so for the, for the word of God, when it uses the word mourn, it is, it is expecting that God and you, you are running to him and casting whatever this sadness is on him. Principle number three, healthy mourning, biblical mourning results in blessing. Blessed are those who mourn. Now, you might ask the question, why would I moan when I can mourn and receive blessings? Well, moaning is fun for a moment, isn't it?
Speaker 1 00:12:39 Isn't it fun to complain? I I think it is personally, mourning is a choice. Biblically speaking, moaning is the default. That that is the fleshly, sinful human instinct side of it. Everybody moans. We do that easily. But the person who mourns that person has made a decision. That person has, has made a series of decisions. And it's not just a one-time decision, it's an over and over and over again decision. So there are, there are five blessings. I just want to draw quickly for you about, about mourning and why I want to tell you stop moaning and bring your grief, your sadness to the Lord. And five blessings await everyone who does this. And the first is from Matthew five, four, and it says, you get comfort from God. Now, I, I have to be very crystal clear because if I were to sit down with the majority of us and say, what does it mean when God comforts you?
Speaker 1 00:13:35 We have this intuitive response where we may not say it out loud, but we're like, well, to be comforted by God means he's going to take away the grief. That is not what it means. Like the Lord is comforting a lot of people right now. And you are feeling the full weight of your grief, are you not? Comfort is not the removal of sadness. And if you are expecting that when you go to God, he's going to comfort you by removing it, you're gonna have unmet expectations. You're gonna get frustrated with God and you're gonna stop going to God and ask him for comfort because you have defined the effect of comfort off wrongly. So here, here's what we see. Actually, God, um, shows us in the very rhythm of creation, the way he designed our physical world and our physical bodies. He shows us how he heals and and I'll just use the, uh, the scarring and healing process just as an analogy.
Speaker 1 00:14:29 But God designed all of this. And as God designed all of this, I think you're gonna find it. There's actually not a big difference between God, how God heals the physical body versus how God heals the spiritual body. And so you have these stages of healing, and the first stage it happens in the invisible places, you get a cut. It is real, it is hard, but your body on a cellular level goes to work for you, doesn't it? But can you see it? No. In fact, in fact, when you just get cut for the first time, all you see is threat. Oh no, it's bleeding, it's bleeding. But the moment that thing happens, your body is designed in the quiet places to start going, going to work. The second stage is, is the scabbing process. Eventually you start to see the body going to work, it stops the bleeding, constricts blood flow to the blood vessels.
Speaker 1 00:15:12 And then you start to see this scabbing process. How many of you raise your hands? You like to pick your scabs if you're being honest, <laugh> no one. Come on. Like people <laugh> it's church. We can do this. What happens when you peel a scab too soon? It starts all over again. The scars get worse. Like how many times have you said to your kids, stop picking the scab, especially when it's on their face. Stop it. Stop it, and it's, when it's there, it's just very hard. It's like you want it to be gone. And there's something broken in us that says, why, why do I have this impulse to take a healing thing and make it worse? And we just can understand in grief, man, we are broken every one of us. And, and then there's the scar. Like I've got the ugliest scar I had names for, but I didn't know if they were appropriate to say, here half of my scar is perfect.
Speaker 1 00:16:03 I mean, you would never see it if I didn't show it to you the other half. It's like, wow, what had, did you get a knife fight there? Right? And, and one half is what happens when you tend to a scar. The other half is what happens when you will just say, try to do way too much before the scar is ready to be done healing. Like this is also like, oh, I'm gonna go out in the sun and expose this to UV light and it just makes everything worse. And, and, and even in the scarring process, the scab can be off. But do you not need to be very tender with a scar for a while? Well, certainly you do. And and so if you ever want examples in my life, I can show you that or my son's body. There's just scars all over the place and eventually the scar gets treated normally, but it's there as a reminder. Why do I say this? Because, because God showed us in the physical healing process an almost direct parallel to how he heals in the spiritual realm, which is patiently slowly with help and with care. This brings us to the second blessing for those who choose to mourn. It's God's presence. Psalm 34 18, the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed and spirit. Grief is a liar. Amen. You are alone. That's not what the Lord says.
Speaker 1 00:17:27 Why does, why does, why does this almost even have to say this? Because he understands that the impulse of our heart is that if I feel this way, God must have abandoned me. It's just a lie. He says, the Lord is near to the brokenhearted, not just that like, are you crushed in spirit? He would love to save you. And, and few things, by the way in this world remind us of God's presence as much as someone physically present with us. And so you, you, you might sit down with somebody and if you, if you have an expectation that when you're sitting with a grieving person, you're gonna take all of those emotions and get rid of them, good luck. You will fail miserably and you will not meet your expectations or theirs. Most of the time. The person who sits with you is a physical reminder of the presence of God with you. And God himself isn't intent on taking the pain away in that moment. Why do I put that pressure on myself as if I'm the healer of a heart?
Speaker 1 00:18:32 The third blessing of healthy mourning is eventually healing. Psalm 1 47, 3. And there is so much in these few words, he heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. It it's interesting because the physical and the spiritual are connected here as an, as a metaphor and analogy. And, and here's what the psalmist is acknowledging. Even God doesn't parachute in and fix things right away. But isn't that what we want? Isn't that what we expect? And when we get mad at God for not making our lives easier, quicker, isn't this really what we're believing? You are taking too long? But what's interesting is before the healing, there's, there's the binding before the healing. There's the bandaging before the healing, there's the tenting. And so there's all of this work. The Lord puts into it on the physical side. It's a, it's an image, it's a picture of how God cares for the soul, slowly, patiently, and 100% not in my timeframe.
Speaker 1 00:19:42 The fourth blessing of healthy mourning is eventually future ministry. Uh, if, if, if, if you are wondering how God will not ever waste your pain, if you bring and mourn and heal with him, uh, go read Second Corinthians chapter one, verse three to seven. It's just a beautiful text live in it. If you're in that place, the fifth blessing of healthy mourning, it is increased anticipation for eternity. And and you've heard this, I wanna read Revelation 21, for he will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more. Neither shall there be mourning nor crying, nor pain anymore for the former things have passed away. And when you mourn with God, eventually at the right time, your appetite for eternity, it grows your anticipation for a new earth. When none of this happens, like the deeper the pain, the greater your anticipation.
Speaker 1 00:20:33 And when you are in deep grief and sorrow or pain, and you are with God in that and you are coming to him and staying aligned with him, it will grow your deep desire and anticipation for Jesus to come back and for eternity to be inaugurated. Why would anybody moan when God offers all of this if you run to him and you bring your grief and your sadness to him? And so I I just wanna look at you on the front end and say, God understands, sees and offers you all of this slowly, not quickly. Well, let's, let's say this, the comfort quickly, presence quickly healing ministry and anticipation. Sometimes that takes a whole lot longer. All right, let's talk about healthy mourning. Um, this is a part of the message I gave a long, long, long time ago, um, for a group of people who are working through some church, her issues and, uh, call this the four ingredients of mourning.
Speaker 1 00:21:35 Well, the reason we call this ingredients is because it's, it's sort of like baking. Like if you wanna make bread, there's like a certain amount of ingredients, but, um, the order, you, you use these in the way you use them, the temperature of the oven, like there's so many just variables in baking, it's probably the difference between a good baker and a bad baker. Um, um, but as we look at scripture, we just kinda step back and we say like, there are some principles that are really important. And, and for the people who probably, um, have the healthiest morning process, they're gonna figure out how these ingredients are gonna fit together. And so the four things that the, that scriptures model is number one, um, giving vocabulary to your sadness. One of the, one of the reasons I wanted you to start writing things down is because actually having words for things is powerful.
Speaker 1 00:22:22 And it's biblical. The psalmist, I mean, goodness gracious, one third again of the, of the Psalms are laments and their ability to give vocabulary to the range of emotions, a a and this was just common practice for the people of God. Uh, we didn't, we don't just go through stuff and suppress it or repress it. We face it. We give words to it, we identify it. That's what we do. One, one pastor said this, and I really appreciated this. He said, if I don't let it out, I will act it out. And everybody with a child agreed, but guess what? We're all just big kids. So num number two, talk to God about it. This is so simple and redundant, it shouldn't even need to be said. But can I tell you that grief makes us irrational? That grief makes us talk to ourselves. Grief makes us vulnerable to demonic lies and cultural lies and lies of insecurity and our own brain and lies that other people have said to us.
Speaker 1 00:23:17 Over time, grief makes us backwards. And, and, and so here's just a a principle that I have when I'm going through sadness. What I do is I ch change the person I'm talking to in my brain. So here's a fun little question for you to take to your friends or go to lunch. When you think, who are you talking to? Are you talking to yourself? Are you talking to some weird third party that's nameless? Do you talk to God? And when I'm in grief, I change all thoughts that I have. Every thought is directed at God's small or big. And when I am, it could be small. It could be just a day where I'm like, all right, Lord, you and me all day long, every thought I have, it's directed at you. And I kind of just re-shift the way my brain thinks because I need to be in conversation with God.
Speaker 1 00:23:58 I need to have my conversation go vertical because there are so many other ways I want my conversation to go because I want to moan, but I'm committed to mourning when I feel sad and I'm committed to go right to God. So I just shift the object of who my brain talks to. Number three, tell others. I mean, I, I think Christian therapists are one of the greatest gifts to the modern church. There's some bad therapists, there's some good therapists just like everything else. Uh, uh, talk to somebody and, and it may be something where, where the Lord has been so good to you to give people in your life, open your mouth, give vocabulary to it. Do it in places where people, you can trust them, protect the slander of other people always. But, but when you have this opportunity, you get to talk to God and you get to talk to others.
Speaker 1 00:24:45 And there is power in the people of God when we interact. And if you're only talking to people and you're not talking to God, you're missing on all the blessings of mourning with God. And when you talk to people, you, you even get help getting the vocabulary you need so you can come back to God. Or other people might say to you, read this psalm. This psalm I think really, really excellently describes what you're feeling. Or you can go onto Google or chat g b t and say, would you give me three psalms that give vocabulary to this emotion that I'm feeling? And it will go, yeah, sir, here are three pals, and it will give it right back to you.
Speaker 1 00:25:17 And then, and then here's the fourth one. And I think this is probably one of the most challenging, to be honest. It's choose the timeframe wisely. So the, the Jewish people mourned in very unique ways. <laugh>, in fact, I think if we could go back in time and saw how they mourned, we would, we might judge them actually. So a couple things they did, uh, they would wear sack cloth and ashes. So what that means, sack cloth is a very, very rough, um, fiber. It felt very itchy on your body. And then they would take ashes and they would heat them on their heads, and then they would intentionally mourn out loud and wail and scream. It's just a very, very different way. Like the American way is get alone, get by myself and make sure that I hold in all the tears until nobody can see it.
Speaker 1 00:25:54 And that I don't go back out in public until all of my red blotchy eyes are okay. Anybody else understand that? Right? I just probably explained most of your lives, <laugh>, the Jewish way was different. Not only did they wear sack cloth and hashes, but what they would do is they would hire professional mourners. True story. These would be people whose job you paid 'em, and they would come to your house and they'd go to the funeral and they would on shifts, weep and whale. And it was interesting because like, uh, the kinda the idea is, is if you ever, like, if you're ever with somebody and they just look at you and they manufacture laughter <laugh>, you're like, you know, you're like, all of a sudden you start laughing. You're like, why? Why am I laughing? There's nothing funny, right? There's something about mimicking that gives people permission.
Speaker 1 00:26:46 It's a very interesting psychological phenomenon. So it, it actually just gave the people permission to kinda let out the fullness of their emotions. Like if they're, if these people can weep and cry, uh, it's less weird and awkward if I, if I weep and cry, they, they had another practice. It's called sitting Shiva. I gotta say that carefully. Sitting Shiva seven days, um, especially for those who lost immediate family, filled with daily prayers, meals, constant care, often one does not leave their house until a designated time. And, and what you see is that the Jewish bereavement process that had phases all designed to help the person lean fully into their emotions, but also designed to not let the pain steal anything more than it had already taken. And so they would begin this process of reintegration into society, probably quicker than their emotions want them to, but at a necessary time to say, your pain doesn't define you.
Speaker 1 00:27:47 God and his call on your life, they're summoning you to life in reality. And what pain wants to do is steal everything when it's unchecked and not with the Lord. All right? So now what I wanna do is I wanna talk about unhealthy morning. And you might be sitting next to your spouse or a friend or a family member or somebody. And, and some of these are gonna be, um, you, you might recognize that the person next to you recognizes that you're doing these things. You, you don't need to kick 'em, you don't need to poke 'em. Trust that the Holy Spirit is going to work in them in a way that is helpful. This first part, before I get into some of these, I wanna, I wanna read this to you cuz I like the way I wrote it and I'm not gonna be able to quote it.
Speaker 1 00:28:27 The reason the Bible spends so much time discussing grief and loss is because when we are sad, our instincts are almost always backwards to mourn well's a choice and we stink at it. Our instinct is to eradicate pain through busyness and medication, but healing is found in sitting with the Lord. And pain, our instinct is to disconnect and do it alone, but healing is found in connection with God and people. Our instinct is to believe this is forever. But faith tells us that God will redeem this. Our instinct is to believe that God has abandoned us, but the comforter realigns us with reality. Our instinct is to let the pain define us to become the pain. But healing is found when our hope in God defines us, our instinct is to isolate and wallow and moan in self pity. But healing is found in the presence of God.
Speaker 1 00:29:31 For many, our instinct is to freeze our life and to stop living. But healing is found in choosing to move on at the right time there. There's a wonderful principle that my wife, um, taught me a long time ago, and she has used it with many of you in this room. It's this do the opposite. 90%, 97% of the time. That's, that's pastor math too made it up. Most of the time that advice is pure gold because when we are in a grieving situation, we become irrational. Every one of us. And so we need to think about the instincts that we have and say, I should probably double and triple check this instinct with people who are not grieving and who are aligned with the Lord and love him. I said earlier that grief, ignored or wrongly addressed will slowly destroy you and others. And I wanna, I wanna share with you why, and, and I, and I really actually think this could be for some of you, the most helpful part of this message. Unde with grief always, always requires an enemy. Always.
Speaker 1 00:30:40 And there are four major categories of enemies. And I wanna ask all of you to think about your life whenever I am grieving, I, I al, I mean I am amazed, I want an enemy and the Lord redirects this, but let's identify the four. Number one in organization, they my employer, right? And, and sometimes when we don't have a person, we're like they the culture, right? That's, that's a thing. And so you'll hear this and, and, and I've actually had I think probably 10 different people in the last two to three months that I've sat down with and gone through these four things. And o of the 10, it was pretty evenly broken between who they were angry at. The next one is a process. The, the way they did it, if you just saw the way they did it, and then our anger is that the way they did it.
Speaker 1 00:31:31 And the, and the grief needs an enemy if we don't deal with it. So we're not, we're it's not the organization, it's the process. Got it. Sometimes it's an object. Went to somebody's house three years ago and there's a big hole in the wall. And I'm like, bro, what was that? And he goes, not my best moment punch the wall. I got angry. And I was like, you wanna fix it? He goes, Nope. It is a reminder of who I am when I don't go with the Lord. And I'm like, yep, that's alright. <laugh> one friend, he punched the wall. Uh, and instead of hitting this face, uh, between he hit, broke his hand. You know who you are? <laugh>.
Speaker 1 00:32:16 And the fourth is a person. And, and there's actually some options here. Some people that go right to God. God, how could you wag the finger? For some people we just beat up ourselves. How could I, I'm so stupid, why did I do this? For some we we find another person like they're the enemy. They did it. And, and, and in our worst moments, it's all of 'em. It's God, it's me, it's you. Just this self-hatred cycle. We will always justify our anger to those in the moment because grief makes us temporarily irrational. And I'm speaking from firsthand experience. I become irrational when I am sad and I need truth telling people to say, stop it. This is not love. Good. The fruit of the spirit is not in you. But there, there's a biblical reason for this. Hebrews chapter 12, verse 15, see to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God.
Speaker 1 00:33:11 And here's what he says, that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble. That's not just the end of it. And by it many become defiled. Satan watches your grief and it's like catnip for him because he knows if he can get God out of the process and get you to moan and he can find the object, an organization, a process, a thing or a person, and you can weaponize your grief at that he wins. That's called bitterness. It causes trouble and it defiles everybody in its orbit. That's what it's wired and designed to do. Lemme just show you how this works. Unre undo with grief, it begets anger which begets bitterness, which begets irrationality, which becomes vengeance. I said it earlier, UN undo with grief will become destructive. Why are we talking about this? Because this is the human experience. We all suffer.
Speaker 1 00:34:27 And if your life has been amazing so far, I rejoice with you. And when the time comes that the opposite happens to you, I pray amongst the body of Christ, there is mourning with those who mourn. Does God understand my mourning? Absolutely. Um, another author said, said this and um, really appreciated his insight. He said, Jesus may have been free from sin, but he was in no way free from the pain of sin. I want, I want you to look at a handful of texts with you and I want you to see these, these are just so meaningful. Uh, John chapter 11, verse um, 34 and 35, um, Lazarus whom he loved dearly just died. Verse 34 says, uh, and he said, where have you laid him? They said to him, Lord, come and see in verse 35, Jesus, he wept. What's so striking to me is not the fact that maybe that he's crying because his friend died. Jesus knew he was going to raise him from the dead.
Speaker 1 00:35:29 Why did, why did Jesus weep when he knew within moments Lazarus was going to be alive? Because the, we'll just say this, the reality of the future resurrection doesn't negate the pain of today. And all of the things that led up to Lazarus's death are worthy of being grieved over Luke chapter 19, verse 41 and 42, Jesus looks at Jerusalem and, and this is actually I think one of the most humanizing passages for me. He knows what the city is gonna do to him. They're gonna execute him in just a short couple days. Says when he, when he drew near to the city and when he drew near and he saw the city, he wept over it saying, let's, let's to this would that you even, you had known on this day the things that make for peace. Like they had everything they need to be at peace with him and he knew that they were gonna choose crucifixion.
Speaker 1 00:36:29 Mark three, five. The Pharisees are trying to trick Jesus and catch 'em in heresy. And in this moment I want you to, I want you to just catch the tension of their duplicitous motives. He looked around at them with anger. Now, is his anger legitimate in that moment? Yes. He's Jesus. So the answer is always yes, grieved at their heartness of heart. The complexity of Christ's emotions gives I think us so much permission. Like I, I had a conversation with one of my children just this week and, and they were struggling that I could feel one emotion and I could feel love at the same time. And the two emotions were, how can you be frustrated with me and simultaneously love me? And I'm like, I'm like, I, I I can coexist, I can have a temporary frustration, but that does not negate my love for you in any way.
Speaker 1 00:37:23 I could even be angry with you that anger could last for a week. But in no way does this negate this emotion over here. And and sometimes we get too simplistic with this stuff. And in here we see Jesus, he's so righteously angry at what they're trying to do in his heart is sincerely grieved at the same time. Let's go back in the Bible to God the Father and mourn Genesis six, six, the Lord regretted that he had made ban on the earth and it grieved him to his heart. This is the Holy Spirit more Isaiah 63 verse nine and 10. This is, this is strong language in all their affliction. Israel, he was afflicted and the angel of his presence saved them in his love and his pity. He redeemed them, he lifted them up and carried them all the days of old. But listen to this, this is way all he had done for them.
Speaker 1 00:38:16 But they rebelled and they grieve the Holy Spirit. Ephesians four 30 says, don't grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. We are made in the image of God and the scriptures itself give us the freedom to feel the complexity of all of these emotions, nuances and all. And then call us to come to the Lord and to choose biblically to mourn to. So whats number one? I'm just gonna say what I said again, mourn to the glory of God. You will be blessed, you'll be comforted. And I can't control the timeframe. I have no script for that. In time you'll experience healing. I I think Jesus was such a beautiful example of this. When you listen to him, he gave such clear vocabulary. Even while he's on the cross, he's using scripture to give himself vocabulary for the things he's experiencing in that moment.
Speaker 1 00:39:19 But his ability to define with such clarity what he is feeling, to talk to God, to tell God what he wants is unbelievable and striking. And I think it's a model for every one of us. Like the Lord is okay with all your emotions. Find in scripture words and texts that give vocabulary to that. And if you can't find something perfectly, start writing it out so that you can talk to God and then bring it to him. And what I loved about Jesus' prayer life and the way he did all this in the psalmist is that it was done in a way that everybody could see what was happening. Like one of the most interesting parts of Jesus's prayer life. I'm not sure if you've caught this when you read the New Testament, but like how do you know what Jesus prayed? Because he prayed out loud.
Speaker 1 00:39:57 Like we pray when we're talking to God, most of us we pray in our heads, if you see me driving and talking, I'm either on the phone or praying cuz I need to get it out verbally. I get lost if I'm just in my head. But Jesus prayed out loud when he had personal time with the Lord. He was fine if the disciples heard him having a private intimate conversation with God. And there, and there's something powerful about this. But like he did this in a way where he was with people and even when he prayed personally with God, somebody was with him. And it's like they're praying with him and we don't know what they said next. They might have laid their, laid their hand at him and say, Lord, I just, I lift up Jesus to you and I I you are the great comfort.
Speaker 1 00:40:30 I pray you would pray you would help him. But we looked at Christ like we look at a man who modeled for us wonderfully imperfectly and he just so happens to be fully God and we are made in his image and he models for us what this looks like. I I don't know what your next step is for you. I don't know the tool that maybe you need to activate in your toolbox right now. And and, and if you want these notes, I can give them all to you. But like, um, really like Lord, may he help you grieve and mourn instead of moan in a way that is glorifying to him and actually facilitates the healing that I know you want and the blessing that I know you want and the comfort that I know you want in a way that brings God the most amount of glory.
Speaker 1 00:41:10 Now, the, the last, so what here, it's sort of a unexpected shift, but I want you to see this. The Christian life is inaugurated through mourning. Do you know how somebody becomes a Christian? It's not because they go to church. It's not cuz they're baptized as a kid or an adult. It's not cuz they really good. It's not cuz grandma's a Christian. When we trust in Christ personally, part of this, there's, there's a requirement here that the scriptures have and that is to confess sins. That there has to be an acknowledgement of our sin. And and the idea here is that it's not just a factual, yes Lord, I have sinned against you, but that there is something broken in us that draws us back to God and says, I have sinned against you. This isn't ethereal and it's not factual. It is, it's personal.
Speaker 1 00:42:11 And so you know that feeling you have when you sinn against somebody and you need to go reconcile that thing. That is how the Christian life begins. You have sinned against God. I have sinned against God. And when we go to him and we say, number one, I am sorry I was wrong. Number two, forgive me. Number three, save me. I believe that Jesus Christ died for my sins and was raised from the dead. Honestly, I think if, if, if you're here and you've never like been aware of your sin, just look at how you have grieved in the past. And my hunches, you're grieving has been defined by moaning over rather than mourning that to is sin. The Lord has wanted the entire time to walk with you through this process. And, and the requirement for the Lord to walk with you in this process is to personally trust in him.
Speaker 1 00:43:01 We've said this the last couple weeks, but so many of us want the benefits of relationship with God without actually telling him we're sorry, reconciling him and acknowledging that he is our God and our savior. And so I want everyone in this room to have the full access to the full benefits of being in a relationship with God. But the access to that is only ever, historically and ever will be in one way. And that is through God. I am sorry. I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe he is God, that he died for my sins and was raised in the dead. And if you have never made that decision, if you have never personally trusted in Jesus Christ, um, I just wanna offer that to you. There is never a wrong time. There is always a better time. And the better time is always right now.
Speaker 1 00:43:39 And so if you are ready to trust in Christ, I'm not gonna make you raise your hand or run up here. I just want to invite you to pray to God. Tell him you're sorry. Tell him you believe in Jesus Christ and then tell somebody that you came with anybody up front. You can come talk to us. There'll be somebody, um, over at the prayer banner over here. You can tell, tell, come tell them. Could be a friend or family member. Tell somebody today I made the decision for the first time to trust in Christ. We would just love to help you walk with Jesus and follow him. And for the rest of us, may it be our commitment. No matter what the emotion we are going to grieve, we're going to rejoice. We are going to feel and we're gonna do these things for the glory of God.
Speaker 1 00:44:17 Amen will church. Amen. Thank you for probably unexpectedly some of you're like, what are we gonna talk about today? And I'm like, grieving, it's gonna be heavy, but if we don't train on these things, we will not be prepared for when the inevitable happens. So love you, let's pray together. Father, thank you for your word and thank you for how unbelievably crystal clear your word is. It's it's incredible. Like you could have left us wanting, you could have left us confused, you could have left us in a million different states. But you have left us with clarity. And throughout history you've risen up prophets in the Old Testament and Moses and, and David and documented not just factual things, but their actual own personal stories. I love the fact that the Bible isn't just a bunch of facts. It, it's actually a whole range of genre of literature just so that the whole human experience is put into words in such a beautiful way.
Speaker 1 00:45:07 So I just, I thank you for that. I am so grateful for your word and beyond that you didn't leave us with just your word. You left us with the ability to be reconciled. And then you've left us with the ability to have your presence and your people and future and hope and and Lord at the same time, we just acknowledge that every one of us in this room, we have a strong desire to expedite the grieving mourning process. Lord, may you teach us and may you train us to handle it biblically to your glory so that we might honor you, our bodies that you made and the people in our lives We love you. And we thank you for all of this and we do it all in Jesus name. Amen. Amen.
