Episode Transcript
Speaker 1 00:00:05 I have not met you yet. My name is Michael Fueling. I'm the lead pastor here at the Village Church, and we are in the last week of our four week series on healthy souls. I want share with you a true story that happens sometime in, in C O V D, and when you hear this, you're gonna want to increase your prayers for my wife. Uh, sometime back in Covid, I, I woke up in the middle of the night. It was pitch black, because that's what science says, helps with the best sleep, right? Amen. Yeah. Okay, good. The craziest thing happened. I was awake, I was not dreaming, and I had no arms, and I did what any sane person would do. I freaked out and I went like this in bed, and there was nothing. I wobbled my shoulders and then I, I thought to myself they couldn't have just disappeared, <laugh> to my dismay, no arms. Then I thought to myself, okay, if my arms were asleep, then it would be just one, so it can't be that. So I woke my wife up in a panic, and here's what I said to her. Brie, I have no arms <laugh>.
Speaker 1 00:01:21 So my brain immediately cycled through what a lifetime with no arms would look like, cooking, the bathroom, the shower, driving phone calls, and eventually after what felt like days, but it was probably about 30 seconds, the excruciating pain of blood flowing back through your arms started to right here, all the way down to my fingertips. You know that feeling when somebody kind of touches it and it hurts excruciating pain? Well, I was trying to, to touch one arm with the other, but I couldn't activate anything. And it was one of the scariest moments. Every night I go to bed and I think to myself, will this posture ever replicate that moment? It was that scary for, for me. Now you're like, okay, what's the point? Number one, pray for my wife. Number two, thank God you don't have to wake up next to me. Uh, but for the, for the body to work, ideally, all the essential limbs, they, they actually do need to work.
Speaker 1 00:02:17 And when something essential doesn't work, have you noticed everything is more challenging? You, you get a really key injury on a major part of your body. Like right now, what you don't know is that I have two injuries on my heels, and every single step that I take is shooting pain right through all of my legs. Now, I'm fine. I'm gonna ignore it for the rest of this message, but one little thing doesn't work and everything just gets a whole lot more complicated. So now this series, um, we are, uh, the fourth week of a four week series called Healthy Souls. And this last message is on the fourth threat to a healthy soul, which is disconnection. So prolonged disconnection. It is one of the worst human experiences, emotionally speaking, and, and the disconnected person. And some of you're in this room, in this word, the moment I said it like that resonated with your soul.
Speaker 1 00:03:12 The disconnected person knows something essential is lacking in their life. Now, what we find with most disconnected people is that we don't have vocabulary for what is missing. We just know something is wrong. And so we try to find the missing thing. But what I wanna do this morning is I wanna help maybe give you some vocabulary, because if you don't feel disconnected now, I guarantee you have been. And if you never have been, I guarantee you disconnection awaits you at some point in your life. So I, I made a short list of what I would consider, um, the most disconnected people in a local church. Uh, number number one I put on the list is, um, moms with young kids. Like if you've got one or more young children in your home, your life is completely exhausting. And, and so this idea, like when you were in college and you had all of these incredible friendships, and then you have a little one in the home, and like you're trying to replicate the experience of friendship and connection, it is absolutely exhausting.
Speaker 1 00:04:14 I think young moms are some of the most disconnected people in a local church. Number two is the physically disabled. Um, there are things that your friends and the people that you feel a connection with, they're going and doing, and you either can't keep up or you can't go at all. Uh, there's this sense like, I don't want to slow you all down. And so maybe you intentionally disconnect because you don't want to be the inconvenience. Um, there's this whole category of those who are new to town. When you move into a new location and you have left all your friends and family, that is a gut-wrenching experience, and it can take years to rebuild the kind of connections that you lost when you moved into town. Like if you're a village church and you're here and somebody tells you, we just moved into town, okay, be really kind because that person's entire life was turned upside down.
Speaker 1 00:05:04 And they are trying to figure out who am I? Who do I connect with, who are gonna be my people? And I'm telling you, when you can't answer the question, who are my people? Everything sort of emotionally starts to crumble inside of us. We, we have a whole nother category, and this is the elderly. Uh, there are some who are stuck at home, they can't get out. They have all of these dreams and ambitions and desires to serve and, and their bodies or their physical location prevent them from doing the things they want to be able to do. Like this is a whole nother category, uh, uh, of disconnection. And then, and then here's the fifth one is those struggling with, with some kind of mental health, you feel like I'm having a hard time making these connections. I don't know why there's distance between me and somebody else.
Speaker 1 00:05:46 Or maybe you're just having a hard time mustering up the kinds of things that you know you need to do in order to create connection. And, and, and, and, and these five people and more are all around us. I mean, disconnection. It is a human experience. And, and, and if you weren't a young mom or a young dad at one time or another, inevitably you're gonna fall into one of these categories. You're gonna move to a new place. You're gonna become maybe physically disabled in one way or another eventually, and you're gonna find yourself really, really grateful for the people who took a step toward you to love you. Uh, disconnection is, is likely for most people. It's a symptom that your soul is lacking something God designed it for. So disconnection, it's the modern word that we used to describe when the soul is lacking, what the Bible calls shalom.
Speaker 1 00:06:39 So shalom, uh, you'll see it translated as peace, but I want you to understand a little bit more in depth what this word means and why it's so important to connection and disconnection in, in the most literal sense, Shalom means to be complete, lacking in nothing and at rest. Does that not sound like a dream for us to experience? Right? You're never gonna get full shalom until the new earth, new bodies, all that stuff, but to be complete, lacking nothing and at rest. And when it's used to describe people, it, it describes a relational state of wholeness and connection. The so, the more you experience shalom, the greater peace that you're gonna have with God, with your own self, with the world, with one another. Shalom describes when it refers to people, a state where there is no tension whatsoever. Again, doesn't that sound like a dream?
Speaker 1 00:07:37 And, and, and this picture of shalom is one of the things that God wants to develop, uh, in each of our hearts and souls and in our local churches, the, the New Testament has a word, it's called Irene. And, uh, whenever this word is used in the New Testament, it carries with it the Jewish weight of this word, Shalom. It's essentially a relational term in every one of us. As we see this, our hearts go, yes, I want that. God, please give it to me. Now, I wanna read to you passage of scripture. First Peter, chapter five, verse eight. Peter says, be sober minded, be watchful. Your adversary, the devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour. Now, here's the question. Is he trying to devour in this text, Christians or non-Christians? The answer is Christians. He's writing this to a bunch of Christians, warning them that there is a real evil one.
Speaker 1 00:08:36 His desire is to devour you. Now, this is not an empty threat. If it is, Peter never would've said a single word about it. So what does it mean? Here's what we know. We know that the devil can't harm us physically unless God gives him permission. We also know that the devil cannot steal our salvation because that is eternal and secure. All he can do is create disconnection, because disconnection destroys shalom. If God wants you, shalom, connected to himself, to yourself, to others, to the world, if that's what God wants, the easiest swiftest way for the evil one to devour you is to trick you into behaviors and thoughts that create disconnection. What is the Achilles heel of shalom? It is disconnection because when you understand shalom, it's fundamentally a connection word. So in order to experience shalom our soul, it actually needs five specific kinds of relationships.
Speaker 1 00:09:39 And when all five of these relationships are trending healthy, what we, what we see is that most people experience shalom. They experience connection in a way that is really, really powerful. And so what we're gonna do is we're gonna kinda walk through these five relationships. It's called the Souls five Connection needs. Now, I have to warn you on the front end, uh, typically if you're new to Village Church, you, you don't know this, but we are typically teaching through a book of the Bible or a passage of scripture. We kinda work through it. This will be a little bit different. We're gonna kinda take more of a topical approach this morning. And then next week we're jumping into Leviticus. It's gonna get, it's gonna get real in here. So, um, it's also different, um, uh, in terms of how I want to ask you to engage, okay?
Speaker 1 00:10:21 So I think it would be valuable, um, if you're willing, if you have a pen or paper or notes, um, this, this message is gonna function more like a personal spiritual inventory for your soul. So this is not gonna be one of those messages where at every single second you're gonna go, wow, no way. Like you're gonna find one, two, or three things in here that the Holy Spirit is gonna say, listen really carefully. And when that moment happens, I just want your heart to be tender. Write it down, do whatever you have to do to remember it. And this is gonna kinda be an opportunity for you to step back and you're going to, can I just take an inventory of your soul? Um, what, what I want for all of us in this room is to experience more and more shalom as far as it depends on, on us.
Speaker 1 00:11:08 And then each of these relationships, we're gonna ask three questions. We're gonna ask, is my body connected? Is my mind connected? And is my heart connected? So that'll be kinda the way we go about this. All right, let's jump in. My souls first and primary need is for peace and shalom with God. So the Bible speaks about peace in two different ways. Here's the first way the Bible speaks about peace. It number one, it talks about the eternal peace of salvation when you personally trust in Jesus the hostility that existed between you and God before that moment. By the way, that's the entire world. Until they trust in Christ that hostility is once and for all gone. When you come to God and you say, I have sinned against you, I am sorry. I believe that Jesus Christ is God, that he died for my sins and was raised from the dead.
Speaker 1 00:11:59 That hostility that exists between you and God, it is gone and it will never come back. There is nothing you could plausibly do to ever, ever bring en amenity or hostility between you and God. Again, you are reconciled. Peace exists between you and God. And and I love this Romans five, one. It says, therefore, since we have been justified or legally declared righteous, it is by faith. We have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen. Now, if you have never made that decision, uh, I, I hope the rest of this message helps you. But everything we say from here on out is built on the assumption that you have made a personal decision to trust in Jesus Christ so that you might be at peace with God. Now, there's a a second kind of peace the scripture talks about, and this is the daily piece of obedience.
Speaker 1 00:12:51 Now, when a couple's married, they are legally united. But does that mean they experience peace and being united all the time? Everybody in the room is married, say no. And everyone who's ever lived with somebody who is married, you say, no, this is not how it works. In fact, um, there are things that we can do or not do that increase or decrease the experience of peace with one another. Philippians chapter four, verse nine, here's what Paul says, what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things and the God of peace will be with you. And it is not an accident. That each and every one of the things that Paul says, practice the things you have seen, the things you have heard, the things you've ever seened, they are all fundamentally relational things. Practice the things that make for a healthy relationship with God and you, like in a marriage, will experience more and more peace.
Speaker 1 00:13:50 It's not rocket science, but it needs to be said. Now, let's, let's go to self-reflection. Is my body connected to God? This may sound like a weird question, but you're gonna find in each of these relationships, you can be mentally connected and emotionally connected, but physically distant. You guys know this. So here's a question. These will be reflection questions Under each of these categories, do I have physical spaces where I meet with God? I think every Christian needs four key places in your life when it comes to you. And God, number one is a place to pray for me. That is driving, walking, hiking. If I am sitting still, I cannot focus in terms of prayer. The moment my body moves, I am freed. I can think I can focus. Number one, a place to pray. Number two is a place to study God's word.
Speaker 1 00:14:47 Um, I have a handful of offices. Number one, I have my home office. I have my backyard office. Any coffee shop in the world is an office for me, <laugh>. And then anywhere that I can walk and I can listen and I can basically use my phone to talk into it cuz I'm a verbal processor, uh, is my office. So I, but I have places, I have specific places that I know when I'm gonna study my ability to focus on God's word and to receive, internalize, and apply increases exponentially. The third place we need is a place to worship. Um, if you're here, it's probable statistically village church is your home. Church. You might just be visiting from out of town, but every believer needs a place to worship with God's people. And number four is a place to get away. Uh, we find Jesus every day or very often got away.
Speaker 1 00:15:37 These are places where you can go, you can be secluded, you can be isolated, and it's just you and God. And it's not your normal, just daily place, but it is, it is a place where you can go and spend longer times with the Lord. For me, that is anytime I can get away and hike. I go to California every year to kind of disconnect from all humanity and just sort of be present with the Lord. What I have found is that there are special seasons when God says, you need some space. Get away. Spend time with me, put your phone down. And if there is one application you're gonna hear throughout the rest of this message, it's put your phone down. Because when you're looking at your phone, you're probably not as engaged with the Lord as you want. Because when all the little numbers go up and it goes one message, two messages, three message, like, turn off your ringer and spend time with the Lord and just be alone.
Speaker 1 00:16:24 All right? Is my mind connected to God? Is my mind daily engaged with God in prayer and in his word? Am I on the phone in God's presence? Is my heart connected to God? Does my heart long for God? Am I tender to him? Now, every one of these questions deserves a sermon to answer it. So what you need to be able to do is say, Hey, um, that, that one part really got me. I need to do deeper work there. So I can't do the work for you, but I can at least open the door and say, maybe you need to walk down the path. Why is it maybe your heart is not tender to God? Or, or maybe you're sitting here and you're like, I honestly, I I don't long God. And what I would encourage you to do is take some of these questions that the Holy Spirit says, pay attention to that one and go talk to somebody about it and ask them to help you process some of these things.
Speaker 1 00:17:24 All right, my soul. Second need is for peace and shalom with myself. I wanna be clear, this is not self-help. And you're gonna see this in a minute. This is spiritual war prevention. I, I cannot tell you how many hours of Christians' lives are wasted, not on building God's kingdom, loving others and pursuing the Lord, but on obsessing over the things they hate about themselves. It is unbelievable how much time we spent really, really, if we're being honest, angry at God that he didn't design us differently. When our kids are critical of themselves or their bodies, there's some things that we tend to say in our home. One is, please stop criticizing my child. You, you don't get to say that to my kid. Now the irony is that they are my kid. We're trying to show them like that is a father's heart for you and a mother's heart for you.
Speaker 1 00:18:29 We love you unconditionally and you don't get to tell yourself lies about yourself. Or is that what God thinks of you? Like, are you in, are you and God aligned on this thought about yourself? Here's one. So did God make a mistake? I mean, I have questions about my bald head. I for sure do <laugh>, I have questions why I'm the shortest of four brothers. Definitely the smartest, but I don't know about the why the shortest. My brother can still beat me at basketball because he's got like a foot on me. Drives me nuts. Ephesians chapter two, verse 10, for we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for self-loathing. No, that's ridiculous. For, for good works, which God has prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Everybody on the planet. When you're bombarded with media and everything else, you're always comparing yourself consciously or subconsciously to something.
Speaker 1 00:19:27 But we have to come to grips eventually with, I can't change the things. I can't change. God designed my personality. He gave me specific DNA n a that I cannot undo. He gave me, uh, uh, proclivities to being skilled at some things and not skilled at the vast majority of things. I can try to be great at. Things that I'm not wired to be great at. It is all an uphill battle. And I'm like, Sisyphus, or I can just relax and I can say, God, I accept the limitations that you have given me because I am your workmanship and you have created me for specific good works. Not the good works of other people. I I don't look at other people and see the things that God is doing through them and the things that he's called them to. My job is to pull back and say, God, who did you make me to be? What are you calling me to do? What is my unique personality that you gave to me? And instead of wishing I was more extroverted or introverted, nobody wishes I was more extroverted. Let's be clear. Uh, but instead of comparing yourself to somebody else, we step back and we say, God, I I'm gonna come to grips with myself. And in doing so, I'm coming to grips with you and your design and your goodness and your kindness.
Speaker 1 00:20:39 There are a handful of limitations that God has probably put into my, my body. Uh, and I think, I think when I die, I'm probably gonna look back and see these were providential in nature. I'll share with you a couple. We get vulnerable. I have a ridiculously slow metabolism, like ridiculously slow. Everything I eat, it's like my body doesn't even use energy, it just stores it as fat, right? It's like, why? Well, here's a reason cuz I'm a glutton and I love food. I would be broke and in debt if I did not have a slow metabolism. Like if I, you know, you know who you are, you can eat anything you want, you're always skinny, right? <laugh>, whatever.
Speaker 1 00:21:25 But like the Lord is actually having to teach me regularly to curb my gluttony. That is, that is a real thing. And so I have to regulate my food and it's a little thing that I think the Lord is teaching me. Like, no, you're, you're, you're, you have a propensity to this. Reign it in. Or here's another one I can't sing at all on the, you, you've heard me say this, most of you haven't heard me sing. It's bad. I mean it's abysmal. But why, why is it so bad? Like, there's a point when, when like vocal teachers, they're, they think to themselves like, oh, I could fix him. No, you can't. People have tried. I've had, it's so funny, I was at a charismatic church when I was 19. The guy lays hands on my throat, prays over me for healing <laugh> true story.
Speaker 1 00:22:13 You know why? Because, uh, I would lead worship teams and I was a, a a, like people really enjoyed being on my worship teams. And, and, but here's the deal. I would have the microphone and all I would do is I would do like the intro and the outro, like the, hey, let's pray together, or here's why we're doing this song. And then I would lip sync everything and I would always have two or three vocalists with me. And uh, or I would just tell them like, turn the mic off. Nobody wants to hear this. And I would never lead any songs, but I would lead lead the teams. And so, um, one of the guys, uh, his name was Tommy. He prayed over me. He was the guy who prayed over my throat and, and he was like, I just, I I have to believe the Lord wants you to be a worship pastor.
Speaker 1 00:22:49 Well, lemme tell you, if I could have fixed my voice, I would have, and if I could have avoided teaching, I would've avoided it with all of my might. And the Lord put this unspeakably horrible singing voice inside of me that is unfixable so that I would not get distracted from what he was really calling me to do. And so I see that, I look back on that and I'm like, wow, like that was, that was annoying. And I have a weird combination of, uh, we call mild dyslexia and a D H D and I see the world a little bit differently. Everything is upside down and backwards and up is down and left is right and right is left. And, and, and, and there's just this like, this thing. And I'm like, I'm still trying to figure out what that is. I'm pretty sure right now the whole point of that is to teach, um, patience to my wife cuz I lose everything all the time.
Speaker 1 00:23:36 Um, or because I forget the most. Like, like you could be my best friend of the world. And if somebody says introduce them, I'll be like, what's his name? Like my brain like has this long time finding really concrete objects and things right in front of my face. And I have no idea why it's so dumb. I have air tags on every single thing I own. Cuz if I don't, I lose them. It's a thing. The Lord's developing patience in my wife. And let's be honest, there are some aspects about you that aren't God's fault. They're our fault. We did them. Like there's some aspects to our life where we kind of bear on our body, the scars from other people, but there's sometimes there's some things that we just did them ourselves. And coming to grips with these can be really, really hard Sometimes the Lord lets us reap what we sow. All right? Self-reflection questions. Is my body connected? Do do I listen to what my body needs? If you treated your children the way you treat your body, you'd be in trouble with the law. There's a lot of people, you know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1 00:24:43 Your body is begging for help and you ignore it. Am I paying attention to my body for God's glory to steward it? Well, you have one, you have one for the rest of your life. And this is the vehicle by which we do all ministry. Is my mind connected? Do I speak truth to and about myself? One of the, one of the things the Apostle Paul says when he says, practice these things is he talks about practicing speaking truth about reality life, God and yourself in your mind, am I protecting my mind through God's word? Is my heart connected? Am I content with who God designed me to be? Am I content with what God has allowed in my life? Have I accepted my personal failures, brought them to the Lord and prevented them from becoming my identity?
Speaker 1 00:25:40 My soul's third need is for peace and shalom with my family. Proverb 17, one nails it better is a dry morsel with a quiet house than a house full of feasting with strife moms and dads. Can I get an amen here? Amen. Have you ever had a dry morsel? Let me tell you, hands down my least favorite eating experience ever, one kind of food, dry chicken. And you know when you have dry chicken and you keep chewing and chewing, hoping your saliva is gonna make it better, and it gets to the point where you have no capacity to swallow it and you don't know what to do. And okay, I'll tell you what I do. I've been in this situation four or five times in my life. I go to the bathroom and I spit it on. You think, why don't you just say something there?
Speaker 1 00:26:28 Because I'm always in the circumstance and it's rude to say anything. Now I'd never want to experience that ever again. And I, I can identify, I would rather though be in that environment every day than have bickering, complaining, anger all around me all the time, give me peace with a dry food and a dry morsel over all of the insanity of bickering all of the time. Familial shalom. Uh, it's built on an org chart and every family has this. And when the org chart is subverted from the outside or inverted, chaos erupts. So the family shalom is threatened. And here's a handful of scenarios where you're gonna find your family's shalom threatened for a dad. A family's shalom is threatened when dad is not at peace with God. And in unrepentant sin, mom, the second greatest threat to a family's shalom is when mom is not at peace with God.
Speaker 1 00:27:32 And in unrepentant sin, you put mom and dad together, not at peace with God. And in unrepentant sin, what do you have in a home? Chaos? Kids, you are commissioned to be at peace with your parents. That's a command from God. Obey them in everything. This is God's call to you. Say, the greatest trick in a family is to invert the org chart. Dads go passive or they stop sacrificially loving mom usurps, one of the parents abandons their responsibilities. Kids' emotions take over the entire home. You've all seen it, haven't you? Sometimes it's been the story of all of our homes at one time or another, any subversion or inversion will create chaos and not the shalom that God offers. Self-reflection. Is my body connected? Am I physically present with my family? Get off the phone.
Speaker 1 00:28:36 Is my phone stealing moments? Is my job growing beyond what is reasonable? Not seasonally, but but per permanently? Are we, are we doing intentionally spiritual activities physically together as a family? Is my mind connected? Am I believing truthful things about my family? Am I thinking about ways to spiritually connect my family to one another? All right, here's one is my, is my heart connected? Do I sincerely love my parents, my siblings, my children, and my spouse? Will I continually pursue peace and forgiveness where my family relationships are broken? All my soul's fourth need it is for peace and shalom with my friends parents. You're not gonna, you're not gonna love this, but um, your kids will leave and they will cleave. And when they do, this creates brand new loyalties for them. You did it. And they're gonna go through it. And this is a good thing.
Speaker 1 00:29:47 Mom and dad will die. Brothers and sisters statistically are going to move away. New loyalties are going to be forged. And, and, and I want you to hear this, your your faith will provide the foundations of your life. Your family will set the trajectory of your life, but your friends will determine the success of your life. The degree to which I glorify God will largely be determined by the friends that I surround myself with. So mom and dad, we teach our children how to choose great friends. Have you ever noticed that? I call this the mom's instinct. It's the mom's instinct. When a mom says, watch out for that friend, every child should listen carefully. Moms know stuff that there is no other way to know it. It's like a special spidey mom sense that God gives to them in parents. It starts with us choosing great friends and creating intentional disconnection from the friends that bring out unhealth in us.
Speaker 1 00:30:56 So we model and we also instruct and we train. I want, I wanna just take a moment and read a couple proverbs for you. And I love what the proverbs says because by the time the proverbs get to this, like you, you understand that they're talking to an audience that has left the house. Um, they, they, they probably have a spouse or, or they're, they're older and single, but here's what they, here's what proverb says. 17. 17. A friend loves at all times. And a a brother is born for diversity. Some of, some of you you're like, yeah, my siblings, we just fight. But the friend, there's something that happens as you become an adult. These friends, um, listen to this proverb 18, 18 24 describes it well, a man of many companion companions comes to ruin, but there's a friend who six closer than, than a brother. And, and, and as you grow, there's gonna be some men and women who come into your life and they're gonna take a place that's even closer than your blood and they're gonna stick with you, come hell or high water and it's gonna be one of the most special experiences in your life. Proverbs 27, 6, faithful are the wounds of a friend. True, true fems actually tell you the truth when it's hard and true. Friends receive hard truth even when they don't want to.
Speaker 1 00:32:06 As a, as a child, your parents, they, they kind of do much of what the proverbs talk about. But as you get older, you start realizing that mom and dad don't do these things for me. That I need to surround myself with incredible people. I, I wanna share with you just, it's four simple principles for great friends. You guys ready? Super easy one. My best friends share my values. I, if you are best friends with somebody who has a completely different value set, you will fight all the time and not want to hang out a whole bunch. You guys know this. And it's even better when they share your faith. It's hard to have shared values right now in, in modern culture. If you don't have some semblance of a shared, shared, shared faith, my best friends enjoy me for who I am. Have you ever been around people and they're like, I like you, but I really wish like 18 things about you would change.
Speaker 1 00:32:48 And they're, you know what I mean? Like, listen, I like, there are so many issues that I have my friends see them and they go, I love you anyways. I appreciate you're growing. You're, you have a trajectory, right? That's good. And there's something about your friends, they see you for who you are and they love you unconditionally. And they're not just sitting there complaining about all the things that you're not. My best friends are loyal to truth first then to me, and this is so important, like I want to know, you're not just gonna be loyal to me out of like sheer loyalty's sake. I wanna know that you're gonna point me to truth. I wanna know that you're gonna fight for truth in my life. You're not just gonna agree with me because it's gonna make your life easier. I wanna know that you are gonna stick up for reality that is a high value.
Speaker 1 00:33:29 I think too many men have this standard for friendship. Loyalty to me means even if I am wrong, you're gonna stick with me. I don't, I don't want that. I want loyalty to truth then to me and then my best friends. And this is, I think the one that if I could like this might encourage some of you who are kind of new trying to figure out connections. Do you remember how your best friends, that relationship, that connection that grew over time? It didn't happen quickly. We have a really common experience. People will end up leaving a different church for various reasons. And they had a small group that was together for 10 years and this group had shared interest, shared experience, shared life heartache, ups and downs. And they were bound together and they came here and they went to a new community group or a new small group and they're like, it's just not like my old one.
Speaker 1 00:34:08 Correct? And it won't be for 10 years because one of the challenges of disconnecting from an old community or moving to a new state or to a new job or a new church, is that those connections are gone. And it takes years to rebuild those connections. And so we have to learn how to be very, very patient with the church that we go to. Self-reflection, is my body connected? Have I created intentional space in my life to be physically present with the right friends? And when I'm present, am I present? Is my mind connected? Am I thinking clearly about my people? Do wise people have concern about their influence in my life? And is my heart connected my patient as my friendships are growing? Also, do I love my friends enough to say hard things and kindness. My soul's fifth need. Lastly is for peace in shalom with my church, when I was a youth pastor, there was a very common thread, uh, almost all the time we would see a scenario happen.
Speaker 1 00:35:13 We would see that a student usually in their junior or senior year, sometimes sophomore, but typically j junior or senior, once they kind of got their driver's license, they would disconnect from youth group and not tell anyone. And almost always it was a sign that they were disconnecting from, from God. And it's not that youth group was the end all be all, but that was where their community were. That was where their friends were. That's where they were growing spiritually. And, and, and it really became a primary place of their spiritual development. So when they left that, we just saw that there was typically there was a decline spiritually. Now when, when we struggle to connect to our local church, um, there is a huge hole inside of us. Like we know we, we need to be a part of a local church family. We need to be connected and loved and serving and receiving and giving and receiving.
Speaker 1 00:36:02 Like there's a, there's an ebb and flow to this. And when this thing isn't right, it has a, a deep impact. Now here's the problem when it's not right, we almost always, man, I dunno about you, but my experience is Ben, people almost always blame the church. I wanna give you just a short list of things that your church can't control. Number one, we can't control who attends. Do you guys know that? I mean, we, we probably could push some people out, but we're not gonna probably do that. But I can't control who attends. I can't control who sit next to you. Like I can't control any of that. We can't control if there are people in your life stage. We can't control if there are people in your life stage that you like, we can't control if there are people who really get you.
Speaker 1 00:36:45 We can't control if somebody outside of the greeters talks to you. We can't control if people like you and we, we can't control or even probably presume to make sense of why two people can have such a completely different connection experience in the same church. We can't control any of that. And, and so we kinda just pause for a moment. We step back and we just say, I'm not sure what the Lord is up to. I'm not sure for some people why it's easy and for some people why it's hard. But I really do believe that it is worth the pursuit. Uh, and understand that the first people you meet are probably not gonna be your besties forever. Just like the first girl or guy you dated, probably for most of you wasn't the person you married. And that, that is okay. But what we do is we, we take risks.
Speaker 1 00:37:35 Now my body, is my body connected? Am I present weekly? Am I pursuing consistent engagement? Am I making a meaningful difference in my small sphere? Am I receiving meaningful ministry from others? Is my mind connected? Do I have truthful thoughts about my church? Have I allowed jadedness to justify my disconnection? Is my heart connected? Is my heart strong enough to risk re-engagement? If not, what can I do to prepare? Am I harboring bitterness toward anybody that's creating disconnection? Is my heart tender to what God is doing in my local church? So when any of these five connections are lacking, you're, you know this now I think your shalom will suffer. And what God wants for every one of us is shalom to essentially be healthy in our connections to these five major categories. Now the inventory is done. I wanna give you two. Two. So whats uh, this, so what is actually identical to one of them from last week? Because I think it's important enough to reiterate disconnection results in grief. Amen.
Speaker 1 00:38:59 And unde with grief always requires an enemy always. And there there are four enemies. When, when you have the sadness over the things that aren't the way they should be, our immediate gut reaction is almost always to be angry at something or someone. Here's the first one, it's an organization. They the village church, my boss, my company, the, the organization as a whole, they did this. Number two is a process. Listen, the church is good, the company's good, but if you just saw the way they did it, you'd be so upset. It was the process. Number three is an object. You punch a wall, don't punch walls, don't do that. <laugh> number four is a person, God, yourself, someone else, all of them. That's when it gets really destructive.
Speaker 1 00:39:56 And it brings us to the hardest part of connection. The only person who can fix this is a humble, intentional and selfless you led by the power of the Holy Spirit. Like this sermon cannot fix your disconnection. I can't make you do anything. I can't make you self-reflective. I can't make you humble. I can't make you intentional. I can't put a burden on your heart to fix things that are broken and the primary connection relationships in your life. I can't do that. I wish I could. All of us probably wish we could for someone. I've said this many times, but one of my highest values is extreme ownership. And so before I blame an organization, a process, an object, a person, I wanna do a, I wanna take personal inventory and say, God, what can I do? So that each of these five connection points in my life, I am pursuing trending healthy and connection.
Speaker 1 00:41:03 I think shalom, it is hard work. And I'm not talking about the peace you have with God eternally. I'm talking about the actual experience of living in this sinful, broken world with all these different kinds of relationships that God has designed us to be connected to. It is really hard. But I wanna tell you guys, I think it is worth it. I think it is worth the risk. I think it is worth the engagement. And when you start to see these five areas of your life come together, the shalom of God, it's a wonderful gift. And, and when life happens and life interrupts the shalom that God has given you, which will happen by the way, then we come back and we say God, which, okay, which part of my life do I need to give special attention to? Because I want to make sure that I am able to experience shalom here.
Speaker 1 00:41:53 I wanna make sure that I'm at peace relationally with all of these major categories. Here's the second. So what the deepest connections happen when God is at the center? I mean there are so many ways that connections happen. Uh, shared interests, shared experiences, shared values and marriage through intimacy. But there, there is a very special connection reserved, a spiritual connection for two people who both believe in Jesus Christ. For two people who both have the Holy Spirit of God. This is siblings, it applies to friends, it applies in marriage, it applies everywhere. And, and, and here's the, here's the reality that that spiritual connection can never be happened, can never be experienced until you have personally trusted in Christ, that connection with God, connection with others, a healthy, realistic God glorifying truthful view of yourself, of your church, all of this, your family, the kind of spiritual connection that you're really looking for hinges on Jesus Christ and it hinges and you personally trusting in him.
Speaker 1 00:43:03 And so maybe as we went through this entire message, right? You step back and you're like, yeah, like all of them are lacking. And I would say go back to the first. Have you personally trusted in Jesus Christ? And at any time, any day, any moment anybody can be reconciled back to God, experience the forever shalom, peace with God. If you would tell God you're sorry and personally trust in him for the forgiveness of your sin. And the promise of God is that anybody who does that, you are reconciled to God. The enmity hostility, it is gone shalom with you and God is permanent and forever it can never be undone. And now you have the foundation to work with all the rest of the issues. But I, I'll tell you, if you want the help of God, you need to have the Spirit of God inside of you.
Speaker 1 00:43:48 And the only people with the spirit of God are the ones who have personally trusted in Jesus. I want you to get all the help you can possibly get. And that's why you need to trust in Christ if you need, want his help. It starts with God, I'm sorry, I believe Jesus, forgive me. I believe you died in the cross of my sins. And I believe you were raised from the dead. And you can tell God you're sorry and that you believe in Him anytime. Amen. Lemme pray for us. Father, I want to thank you for your word. It just speaks to so many areas of life. And God, I I thank you that even this concept of shalom, it is a gift that you want to give to your people. And Lord, we want it. And I thank you that you have given us peace with you and God, we all confess that we are sinners.
Speaker 1 00:44:37 And every single one of us in every single one of these areas have made major mistakes. Thank you for the blood of Christ that covers us. Thank you for the spirit of Christ that convicts us. Thank you also for the spirit of Christ that changes us, equips us, and empowers us. Lord, for those of us who need to take a next step in a direction, show us and help us. And for those of us who just need to be encouraged this morning, God, I pray that we would be able to receive encouragement from you and from your word and from one another in all. God, we want to become more like Christ. We want to bring you glory in every one of our relationships. And we want to do this so that we can make much of Jesus. We love you. We pray all of this and ask all of this in Jesus name. Amen. Amen.
